Sweaty Songster Pillows

'For your aerobic exercise today, give me five 'Sweet Georgia Browns', a couple of 'Hot Times in the Old Town Tonight', and hit the showers.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Omara Portuondo

A Fairytale Update

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"That is an outrageous slur."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

Mendelssohn Finds His Inspiration

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

Dynamite little combo

Cat Hecklers

Bryan Ferry