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"I'll trade you my pink pills for these blue ones....what do you say?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

Responsibility and duties

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

US dollar rising and falling.

"Next meeting back to paper. Everyone missed doodle."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

Conference Pears

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

'I meet therefore I MANAGE.'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

The Sky Is The Limit

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"I just wonder if there aren't some team members who could be a bit more focused in meetings."

Agreeable Noises

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

"Any questions?"

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

'I think this here would justify bonuses?'