Survival Planner Pillows

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

65 Million Years Ago

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

'I hate evolution!'

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

Prepper Dog

The trap

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

"Efficiency tombs available"

Zombie Fish

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Decision time

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

"Do I look like I need rescuing?"

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

Enter. Exit. Your Choice

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

"Just junk mail."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'At every corner I face the same questions: should I go forward? Should I go to the left? Should I go to the right? Where does my fortune lie?'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

'My backup special...'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."