Survey Aficionados T-Shirts

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

Pegs Incorporated. We'll let you know.

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

Surveying.

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Focus Group: "Better or worse? How about now? Better or worse?"

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

Trial and Error Charts.

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

"We've been out surveying too long."

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'