Surgery Skeptics Prints

'Without surgery, you'll just have to accept jowls and a turkey neck as part of the aging process, Narcissus.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

Myth Diagnosis

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

"Did you get some work done?"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

Man robbed by medical center.

'The Rich Get Richer - The Poor Get Poorer'

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'