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Dracula gets his mail.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

A were-cow.

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Who are you trying to fool, that's a beach towel.'

"Ok, it got weird while you were a wolf."

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

'I never want to see you again.'

Count Alucard's Night-Care Center.

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

Eleven/Millie Bobby Brown

A Hellish Thing (The Rime of the Ancient Mariner).

"Can I borrow a book about me?"

The Reclusive Flying Hell Rat

'You've become a right pain in the neck.'

What Started the Incident at Roswell

'I'm Hamlet's father, come back to claim my place in the history of English Literature.'

The Ancient Enquirer: Woman Turns Into Pillar of Salt!

'No way am I kissing anyone who catches flies with his tongue!'

"Orbistic medicine? You treat whole planets? I never heard of such a thing."

"Your job application looks great. Just out of curiosity though, exactly how long have you been dead?"

Message for a vampire: 'Gone out, your dinner's on the table.'

Scared trick or treaters flee from Dracula's house.

'You're not showing up at all on any of the X-rays.'

Jacob Marley

What a pity!

Grim Reaper tries to hitchhike.

"She's just teething."