Sun-loving Beachcomber Gifts

'I think your pot has roasted.'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

A man plays golf by the sea

"Hey! I've got audio but no visual!"

"...it's another metal detector."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'It says...desperately seeking someone to explain the difference between Obamacare and the Affordable Health Care Act...'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'Let's follow this guy you said, he seems to know the way!'

'Do they make one of those that finds lost bones?'

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

'Don't they look silly?'

Academics at the Beach: "Camus might agree with you. De Beauvoir? Maybe. But Sartre? Never."

'Oh no! A Portuguese Man of War.'

Women castaways are joined on the island by ugly men.

The Old Woman who lived in a Shoe's Beachside Place.

'Look...people are waving at us!...Wave Back!'

Man with metal detector finds metal on beach, but it's a buried metal detector and its owner is also dead and buried.

"Formidable, huh? Which reminds me … your mother called."

Coast to coast walk.

Lady has a cask of sea water sent back from the seaside

"If you pick this one, you'll have an island paradise all to yourself. No one's been there since they tested the atom bomb on it."

'Well, here we are... stranded on a cliché.'

"It looks as though it's inhabited."

'Sand shark!!'

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

Lighting the Lighthouse

Just In - Untreated Sewage Blobs

"You'll like global warming because the seas will rise and this beach will be under water."

This is unbearable. I can't beleive I let my sand wedge on the ship.

"I like my kids well done, don't you?"