Suburban Sanctuary Seeker Gifts

Office block moving to the suburbs.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"The trees are laughing at us."

Hello from the shed.

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

The idea of a wo-man cave was looking better and better.

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

Bird Sanctuary

"That's better! - I can't bear the noise of the rain on my roof..."

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

'Me, I'm not scared of storms, but I use them as an excuse to sleep in my Master's house...'

Suburban blues legends

Stuart's grand plan to bring the good-time steel drum vibe of the Caribbean to Belle Haven, Connecticut, hits its first snag...

'At least we have a roof over our heads.'

'Check out my new bed: Titanium frame, extra firm mattress...Should last for years...'

Fallout Shelter

You'll love this house. Plus! The neighbor's yard is a veritable wildlife sanctuary. Slap. Bzzz. Bzzzz. For sale. Any wildlife that doesn't burrow, bite or sting?

'That's where they go to lick their wounds.'

Building for sale: Yes - it has been de-consecrated.

"This one's for our brother, the whistleblower seeking sanctuary in your tree."

Please stand by...for view.

'Edna, these folks say they got driven out of Paradise and they ask if they can stay in the barn for a while...'

Tacky lawn ornament hunting. (It's a HUGE sport here in the United States!)

"Sanctuary yes, asylum no."

'I claim Sanctuary!'

'And this is John's little corner.'

You Store IT!

Noise Pollution

Man having thinning hair blasted by cafe speaker.

'I'd rather be in Barnes.'