Suburban Homeowners Pillows

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

Tortured Plank

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

Skimming out star reflections

"I can remember when this was all farmland."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

Single Family Home Sanctuary

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

The Burbs

"Yes, I can remember when it was nothing but forest land as far as you could see."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

Moving Van.

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

Office block moving to the suburbs.

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

"I enjoy the park, but not the commute."

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'