Style-savvy Sleuth Pillows

"Look, Peg, you don't really have to dress like that for computer crime."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'After you with the camouflage.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

Optician and the PI.

Hipster Police Department

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

"Good news, Grossman. As of today, short sleeves are O.K. around the office."

I don't trust that guy.

"They stay together for the money."

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

"I hear this place is a hotbed of international pancakes."

"If I were a TV reporter, I'd report only good stuff!"

Sherlock Holmes.

'It looks fishy to me.'

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

Policeman on the internet looking for suspect.

"So what can you tell us about this escaped master of disguise, John?"

"After I had my eyes lasered, the people down there stopped looking like ants. Plump, furry and delicious little rodents, yes, but not ants!"

Detective follows footprints leading to a pair of shoes.

"I think it was done with mirrors."

"I don't think they'll ever find out who 'Housefly Man' is. Now, let's eat."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Is this book a true story or is it true it's a story?"

Hmm, no, I think I prefer something off the rack.

Unusual Sports: Shooting Skiers

Dog Evolution

'I'm mainly interested in something that won't show up on teaching evaluations.'

"Why don't you lot concentrate on catching some real criminals? - Like motorists?"