Style Commentators Mugs

"I think my master is having a midlife crisis: he's adopted a "rapper look"! So embarassing when we go on our walk..."

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."

"That's a good look for you, J.B."

Red State Football

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

The experts thoughts that the aliens were super-intelligent were fooled by their hideous hairstyles.

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'Well, yes, Jennifer -- I suppose Samson WAS sort of like Wolverine.'

Renaissance Zone

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Title Page for 'Mrs Grundy'

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

London Fashion Week.

'The country just may not be ready for patriotic rap.'

I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think. About what, little buddy? Star Trek. The latest movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus. Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives.

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

"That's lovely, dear. Give me a heads-up when manners and intelligence get a little closer."

Budget cure

"Unfortunately, we can't vote for Spongebob Squarepants..."

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.

'I'm going to stop coming here -it's completely lost it's fresh, country atmosphere!'

"The sideburns really do nothing for me!"