Stress Management Gifts

How I learned to stop worrying and start hammering

"Try thinking about something else."

Workaholic Hotline - 'Come on now, you can do it. Just put down those annual reports and slowly back away...'

'I don't do much traditional exercise. But I make sure to get my heart rate up by freaking out at the office on a regular basis.'

"Why did I come in here?"

A man ignores a cacophony and eats a sandwich.

Worried Too Much. Worries Too Little

"What do you mean, you need to find a balance between work and family? We consider you part of our family."

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Who do I hold accountable if you miss the deadline? Any next of kin?"

'In this case, a new high score is not a good thing.'

'Goddamn traffic...I'm late for my meditation class.'

'Delicate Balance of Business'

"I usually wake up screaming at six-thirty, and I'm in my office by nine."

'He had chest pains. A real wake-up call to slow down a bit. Unfortunately, he was on another line and missed it.'

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

Important and Urgent Tasks and Not Important and Not Urgent Tasks.

Think / Don't think signs.

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

'Are you alright? You seem tense...'

In basket-case.

"Relax, they're just worry warts."

Interviewee: 'Nah, work related stress isn't a problem - I've never taken a job seriously enough for it to bother me!'

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

"Actually we were hoping you'd encourage a more conciliatory approach to conflict management."

Being a team player is a good thing, until the project goes horribly wrong.

'When I said getting more sleep would help reduce stress I meant AT HOME!'

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

"Baxter, I've decided to take you off crisis management."

"The good news is thet a number of GPs have agree to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues..." "And the bad news?..." "They've decided the best way to reduce their risk is by retiring!"