Stress-free Hosts T-Shirts

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

'I sent out for everything.'

On holiday.

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Pinata Trophies

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

Come dine with me!

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'Give us a good table and we'll leave plenty of bones behind.'

"A table for two? Profit or non-profit?"

Roller Coasters

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

'No sweat shop'

Trustworthy Authority.

Stephen Fry

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

'Main Street or Wall Street?'