Stress-free Financier Pillows

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Saving for College.

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'Don't worry dear, I made a bundle shorting your failing financial services company'

"Today stocks hit a new high, just as global doom and gloom hit a new low."

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

"Let's see now. This one goes right here."

'Wait a minute....!

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."