Stress-busting Humorist Mugs

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'Has the news finished yet?'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Struggling chef.

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

"Sin tax? I love it."

"I'm starting to look old."

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'To absent teeth.'

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."