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"You dropped yer wallet."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Fish mobsters.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

Al Pacino

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Nun confronts mugger.

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

'I can't tag him, he keeps his watches there.'

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"My defense attorney couldn't shake the witness's identity of me as the perpetrator."

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

"I bet you thought that because you'd been castaway for forty years, you'd get off with your six month prison sentence."

TOO SLOW

"And what do you see in this inkblot?"

A diamond robbery goes wrong when the hook catches the sleeping museum guard's hat

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'