Strategic Bettor Mugs

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

How I met your mother

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

Post Game Day Betting.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

'I'm all in.'

A bet over spelling

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

"Does he respond better to a confident approach or a groveling approach?"

'You're at the dangerous age, Mr Frubman. Have you considered buying some 'dangerous stocks'?'

'I should have stuck to my hunch, to stay at home.'

"You're under arrest. . . fly tipping."

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"I didn't see you at camouflage practice today, soldier!"

"Well, you shouted come on the five dog!"

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

'Out to Hunch.'

'I KNEW I should have hedged that election bet!'

Clancy:Breaking Even at the Races

'I'd like you to go work for our competition. It's the only way I know to bring them to their knees.'

Online poker night, all players have laptops.

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you WIN.'

-How about a fiver on that number three? -Ok, but to be safe,it better be each-way!

'You were right when you said that your horse would 'walk it'. He obviously did!'

Horse Algorithm

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

'I chose the jockeys wearing the prettiest colours and I'm doing better than him!'

-Are you working, hambone? -Of course I am, do you think picking winners is childs play?