Storyline Wizard T-Shirts

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

"Name your sources."

Traffic Management Strategic Group

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

"Just play the hit single, then you can do the experimental track."

George Martin

'He will observe your text now...'

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

Best Special Effects Award

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

"Wow! - That's bland, derivative and sooo dull..! It's gonna make us millions!"

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

"So your successful fantasy novels are based on your own experiences....can you elaborate on that?"

C Day Lewis.

How judicious you are/How thin you spread it

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

Abstraction and recognition

The Keyboard

"This big eraser? It's for graphic novels."

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'

"I need some help to write my self-help book..."

How did that enchantment go again? Must I spell out everything for you?!

Where's the last chapter? It's not finished yet. It's where the writer sleeps with the publisher after he agrees to publish her novel.

Book Shop: The great American Novel and The great American tweet.