Storybook Worlds T-Shirts

"I don't see why I have to go to the dentist. I already have a tooth fairy."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bookworm Sleepover

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Little Princess.

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Treasure Island Book.

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"We could have been here sooner, but we wanted to wait until the beautiful Yellow Brick Road was built."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'