Story Spinners T-Shirts

"I don't think you can accuse another author of plaguerising you for using the same words when they were in a different order."

'You'll never make it as a freelancer in this business. You're not my nephew.'

The First Memoir: 'Ok...it's a pretty good story Noah. But I think it needs to punched up a little to make it marketable.'

"Tell everyone it was a bigger bird."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Waiting for inspiration to strike, Bob settles for a spare.

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

Old Chestnuts

"Sod climbing it - I'm gonna smoke it...!"

"Look at the silly grin on his face -- I bet his imaginary playmate is a girl!"

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"An amusing story no doubt Captain, but let me tell you about my experiences with the head hunters of the Amazon!"

Alan Bennett

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

'I heard you played football instead of going to school.' - 'That's not true, and I've got the fish to prove it.'

"In the novel based on my case, I'm acquitted."

"I assumed it was writer's block but as I've never written anything I could be wrong."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"I want to write what I know, but all In know is writing workshops."

One word of this ends up as research for your new novel and the divorce papers will be in the post.

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'

children mistake fireplace ornament for someone stuck up the chimney

My book agent, Laurie, sold my memoirs. It's a gut-wrenching tale of how I overcame the odds. It's based on actual events. Not actual events in my life. They didn't ask! The memoir mantra: Don't as, don't tell.

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"Elves making content for the poor influencer."

The Very Bad Plot of a Very Bad Ecological Thriller

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'How fast can you hype?'

The Fourth Little Pig

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

You do know it's Harry Potter who's real and JK Rowling is just one of his spells?

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'