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"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

Alice in Badassland

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"Chapter One: Call me Scooter..."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

'You're on our turf, this is poet's corner.' 'It may be your corner, friend, but it's on writers block.'

'Can you redo this manuscript, John, and make it less stupid?'

Non-Fiction/Fiction.

'Remember Jones! It's not exaggeration if you believe it!'

'Jack, these aren't just ordinary magic beans...they're 'organic' magic beans.'

Influences.

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

Hardy gets writers block...

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

"Gossip by Steve in Accounting - An Alluring new scent you'll want to resist...but can't. Because you have nothing else going on."

Author discusses her next sensation novel

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"Help! I've fallen into obscurity and I can't get up!"

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

Nancy had written more pages, but Andrew had stacked his more neatly.

'Cat on a Hot Tin Streetcar' and 'A roof named Desire' I love 'em Mr. Williams but we'll have to re look at those titles!'

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

'The Secret is to write what you know.'

Men and women perceive size differently, especially when describing the fish that got away.

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

Sometimes a Good Excuse to Get off the Telephone is Hard to Find

After months of writer's block, the great man's biographer finally decides how to end the book.

"It's the poet in him trying to get out."

There's less here than meets the eye.

In a rage of jealousy, Cinderella's sisters turn ugly.

'Internet trolls don't live under bridges. Can't get a mobile signal under there.'

Busy woman