Story Analyst Gifts

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'For now, just watch it -- we can dissect the plot later!'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Characters jumping out of a book.

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Why do you hate the media?

Trump Overload

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

Getting the bus back into town from the Bologna Children's Book Fair...

It's a picture book. The words aren't called "subtitles."

The Truth

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Bolsonaro's Management of Covid and Climate Change

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

Campaign 2016

'And that one is the mistake I made in Act II, Scene III, line 14 of Hamlet.'

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'

Immigration freedom

"I can never seem to get my report in on time!"

Trump's Justice Beats Lady Liberty

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

"Dad, is there really no tooth fairy, or is that just fake news from some Russian bot?"

Johnny Depp

He dies at the end. There, I've spoiled every story ever written. Whether it's a person, a quest, ennui, a dream, a struggle, hope, despair, innocence, cynicism, a romance, a friendship, or an estrangement

'I wandered lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."