Storage Manager Pillows

"Behind one of these doors is a ferocious tiger. Behind the other is a beautiful lady. There might also be a tiger there, too. I buy so many tigers it's basically become a storage issue at this point."

Self-Storage

Let's get organized

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Self-Checkout.

"Come on, Og, get with it. Everybody's putting their stuff on 'the cloud' these days."

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

'I need a lot of trunk space.'

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Well, it's inventory time again -- You do the rocks and I'll do the sticks.'