Stopwatch Sprinter Mugs

"You're doing great - keep it up."

Running

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

Professional man hurdling

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Runner going through hurdles.

Runner Bean...

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Runner's High, Runner's Low

Centaur Sprinter

He won't stop talking about being the fastest ever. He's a broken record about breaking a record.

Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.

"Zero to 60 in 4 seconds. Think of it! You'll be the fastest guy to the next red light!"

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Cheetah in at the start of a race, thinking: 'Why do I have to keep proving myself?'

Pit Stop for Track and Field

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

Linford Christie

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"When it came to running, Kevin was second to none."

"It's not my fault that you forgot your hearing aid!"

"Shoot. I'm gonna be late to class again."

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

Little girl running alongside athlete asking for autograph.

'Spinout!'

'He wears his spikes on the inside.'

Overcoming the obstacles of the Internet

Runner with a kick-starter.

Runners have a pay toll.

'I can't promise miracles, but the lung-enhancement surgery should cut, oh, I'd say two or three minutes off your time in the mile.'