Stone-baked Sarcologist T-Shirts

"One supreme."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Exciting potato bugs.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Redhead

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

"I love college."

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'He lost his whistle,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"How about fashionably never?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Mine has a terrible battery life."