Stock Specialist Pillows

'Our vows didn't say anything about hedge fund mis-management!'

"We are now required to tell you to fasten your seatbelt for the following Stock Market report...."

The day the stock market went UP.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Why do you need so many computers?

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"If you really must know, Junior, yes, you were a market correction."

Standard And P****d.

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

Shareholders Meeting - We will be paying a dividend but I will not be announcing it here.

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'Have you been talking to someone, Jenkins?'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'Well, it's inventory time again -- You do the rocks and I'll do the sticks.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"