Stock Soothsayers T-Shirts

'This is the new stocks and shares manager.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.

'Sometimes I think the market is trying to tell us something, Ferguson...'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

Wall Street Red Ink.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

Hedge funds make billions from short selling Coronavirus stocks.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."