Stock Salad Enthusiast T-Shirts

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The day the stock market went UP.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

Free salad bar.

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."