Stock Market Shaker T-Shirts

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Dragon's den desk. 'I'm in' and 'I'm out' tray on desk.

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

Tesla Shares Tanking Into Swastika

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

Finance piracy

'I couldn't sleep so I decided to do some on-line trading.'

The Birth of a Portfolio

Animal worries.

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'Do it over. You spelled 'buy' wrong.'

"Why, Ed Dunlop! Didn't you used to be my chief stock picker?"

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

"I didn't just store my acorns - I invested them in a high performance stock portfolio."

Risk management

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

'Well, now do you believe that snow global warming is real?'

'We've got to get our clients to think of long term investments. By long term, I man until we retire.'

'Whadaya mean my fixed income is broken?'

"Patel confirmed"

Gordon Gekko

NYSE. Many will enter, few will win.

"Yes, I'm the fund manager. Greed is good!"

"I made a killing on the stock market, then my wife made a killing on me!"