Stock Market Mystic Pillows

'And now over to Mrs Miggins for our financial forecasts...'

"Relax, Eddie. Our research division says the fundamentals look good."

BUY A.T.T. at 28.25

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

The United States Public Debt.

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"I've road a few bulls myself, partner

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'