Stock Market Hippie Pillows

'Look, I'd love to open the account for you, but I'm afraid there's no such thing as a market for marijuana futures.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

The Invisible Hand of the Market

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

'Money, I'm home!'

"Gas, is it the future?"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

It's 10 p.m. Do you know why stocks rise and fall, but the U.S. National debt keeps going up?

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'How did your big investment go, dear?'

Stock Hurricane Ride

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

"I learned about the birds and the bees in school. Now tell me about the bulls and bears."

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

"Day trading? What's made in a minute is lost in a second."