Stock Market Critique Admirer T-Shirts

"You're lucky to have an imaginary friend at all, don't expect stock tips too."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"My plan moving forward involves fire and Brazilian passports."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

Wall Street steals kids' candy on Halloween.