Stingy Love Strategist T-Shirts

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'I sent out for everything.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

Dating the efficiency expert.

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

Mergers or acquisitions.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five.'

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"But gosh, Ursula, together we'd be exactly what every major advertiser is trying to reach."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."