Stingy Love Strategist T-Shirts

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'I sent out for everything.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Mergers or acquisitions.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

'I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five.'

"But gosh, Ursula, together we'd be exactly what every major advertiser is trying to reach."

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'