Stew Samplers Pillows

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Sauce for the Goose

Cow's straw

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Diet considerations.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Sinking Sand

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

French suppers.

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

NEW FALL LINEUP

Eating raw cake mix.

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

'Call that a menu?' 'One word, stew.'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'Waiter! This broth tastes spoiled!'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

'I came for the $1.99 seafood buffet--I'm staying for the restrooms.'

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'How about some beef stew? -- the wusses from the Health Department made us discontinue the chili.'

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

Can I get two 'Shirley Temples' and 17 straws?

'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'

American 'Idle'.