Step Mothers Pillows

"When you say you want to speak to my parents, do you mean my mommy and her new husband, or my daddy and his new wife or my mommy and daddy?"

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Child on a schedule.

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

"That's my mum and her boyfriend's the one next to my dad who's behind his girlfriend next to his second wife, just behind my mums first husband."

"Mom?!"

"We've found your birth mother."

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

'Mom's Diner: your meal free if you wash all the dishes and take out the garbage.'

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"It's your mother calling."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

Step Mom's Diner: Under New Management.

Mr. Dombey introduces his daughter Florence

"Sorry to break it to you like this, son, but you're not adopted."

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'