Step-father Pillows

"It's standoff. My kids get along better with my wife, but my wife's kids get along better with me."

'I have several other fathers, you know.'

'It's the same thing I got my dad last year, but it was a different dad.'

Father's Day

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Child on a schedule.

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"That's my mum and her boyfriend's the one next to my dad who's behind his girlfriend next to his second wife, just behind my mums first husband."

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

"We've found your birth mother."

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"When you say you want to speak to my parents, do you mean my mommy and her new husband, or my daddy and his new wife or my mommy and daddy?"

"Sorry to break it to you like this, son, but you're not adopted."

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'