Step-brother Gifts

"That's my half-brother on my mother's side"

"Let me introduce you to my step-brother."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

"Think about it: Toby's the only ram here, so we have to be half brothers!"

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Child on a schedule.

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

Ugly sisters from Cinderella fighting

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"That's my mum and her boyfriend's the one next to my dad who's behind his girlfriend next to his second wife, just behind my mums first husband."

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"We've found your birth mother."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"When you say you want to speak to my parents, do you mean my mommy and her new husband, or my daddy and his new wife or my mommy and daddy?"

"Sorry to break it to you like this, son, but you're not adopted."

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'