Staying Young Pillows

Getting older isn't the same as growing up.

'I bet my mum's had more 29th birthdays than yours!''

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

Love is when you watch television together.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

It can be taken up at any age....

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"The club scene is really changing."

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'I'm fighting ageing.'

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

"There goes our early night."

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

'I can change! I swear!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."