Statistical Wizard Pillows

Cooking The Books.

'But the GOOD news is that we managed to keep him alive long enough so he won't effect this months mortality targets at all!'

Educational Correlations Not Suitable For Publication.

"Personal request here. Do not begin your forecast with the words 'I'm just guessing, but...'."

"This has been quite a season for Zobrowsky—a hundred an twenty-nine receptions, sixteen touchdowns, a B-plus in English, a B in philosophy, an A in political science, and a B-minus in French!"

"We only got six days of funding."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Lovely dovetail."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

Newton's Cradle Solar System

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'First the good news.'

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

Old MacDonald had a data farm. AI AI O.

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

'OK, OK, I get it!! We'll drop bar charts and start using pie charts!'

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."