Statistic Storyteller Pillows

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

Accountant Manqué

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Economist!

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

'Our crime figures are down!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

'There is indeed a strong correlation between the arrival of white men and the decrease in buffalo population...'

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

The Stat family

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

'Remember, Fenton, polling results are in the eye of the manipulator.'

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

"Hold everything! The P.R. department just sent over this chart."