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101 uses of a dead cat: pencil sharpener

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'C'mon get it straight.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

it's back to school time, Frank. I think I have everything I need. I have a new backpack, pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks and, of course, a mask. We don't need those anymore. Speak for yourself. Zzzzzzz.

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

"Do you ever feel like you were meant for something else?"

Stationery Shop

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

Barnum & Bailey's Three Ring Binder

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

Dip Pen

Man with post it note

"Remember, 'borrowing' a pencil means not eating it like you did last time."

"I want one of those. He takes notes and DOODLES at the same time."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

'And this is our new INTERACTIVE card - you buy the blank cardboard and write it yourself!'

"I think my little talk on 'abuse of office stationery' went rather well today dear."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"It has come to my attention that yous needs some protection."

Company Ink.

Biro Security

"I've run out of invisible ink..."