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Vice-President Auditions Today!

"What was I thinking?!"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

Joe Biden

'Danae's spent all this week writing new amendments, which I can only assume means she doesn't know what it'll take to get them into the constitution...so I sent her a link on the process...'

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

Running for Congress

Lisbon Treaty.

'And here you see the heart of this nation's capital. If you roll down your windows, you can smell the BS.'

'Congratulations son. A term or two in Congress is excellent preparation for a career as a lobbyist.'

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

Caution Bullet Ahead

'When I'm old enough to vote, I'm going to select Santa Claus as a write-in candidate.'

"No one is prepared for life as a congressman. Just imagine it's your first day in junior high school."

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

"I'm thinking of getting into office politics."

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

"Actually, minister, as long as you say 'strong and stable, you can fill the rest with any old b*llocks!"

"I'm running for re-election. How much to make it look like I give a damn?"

US congress

Student Council. Ernie's no longer on the student council, but he's sticking around as a lobbyist.

On the Campaign Trail...

'The greenest government ever?'

"Honk If You're Running For Governor!

Attorney General Barr

"Eat your borscht. Don't you want to be President of the Soviet Union when you grow up?"

"Do my hair like Boris Johnson."

'Don't worry too much about math, science, or history -- just make sure you get good marks in rhetoric.'

'I'd like to run for class president but I don't want to put my family through a background check.'