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Vice-President Auditions Today!

"What was I thinking?!"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Danae's spent all this week writing new amendments, which I can only assume means she doesn't know what it'll take to get them into the constitution...so I sent her a link on the process...'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

Joe Biden

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

Lisbon Treaty.

'When I'm old enough to vote, I'm going to select Santa Claus as a write-in candidate.'

'Congratulations son. A term or two in Congress is excellent preparation for a career as a lobbyist.'

'And here you see the heart of this nation's capital. If you roll down your windows, you can smell the BS.'

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

Caution Bullet Ahead

"No one is prepared for life as a congressman. Just imagine it's your first day in junior high school."

"I'm thinking of getting into office politics."

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

"Actually, minister, as long as you say 'strong and stable, you can fill the rest with any old b*llocks!"

US congress

"Eat your borscht. Don't you want to be President of the Soviet Union when you grow up?"

Attorney General Barr

On the Campaign Trail...

"Honk If You're Running For Governor!

'The greenest government ever?'

"Do my hair like Boris Johnson."

'Don't worry too much about math, science, or history -- just make sure you get good marks in rhetoric.'

'I'd like to run for class president but I don't want to put my family through a background check.'

A career in politics.