Starting A New Job As Waiter Prints

'Too many choices to make up your mind? No problem. We also have abbreviated menus.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Diner.

'Your French dip, sir.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'No ice.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'