Starting A New Airline Job Prints

Wet Nursing Air Stewardess

Walking Luggage.

Airport Security.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

The World Wide Web.

The World's Easiest Airport

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

Rubbish Carousel

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

A Simplified Map Airport Map

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Airport Toilet Hand Drying Machine

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Err Stewardess? Do you have a sweet? I think my ears are about to pop."

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

Airport traffic

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

Megacorp Airlines. "We bring people closer together. And that's just on the plane!

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'