Star-spangled Analyst Pillows

US and the EU

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Truth

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"Now, who can I trust with a pie chart?"

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

The Human Condition

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

'Can I Come In Soon?'

"Look! A brave man using the medium of dance to protest against the fascist coronavirus measures of the government!"

Sport and Politics section of the newspaper exploding.

Ted Budd Caricature

Can't I just hand it back, like an MP?

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'I was not prepared for this!'

Who should have been nominated to baseball's hall of fame 2013...

'And the largest slice is mine.'

"Have you ever considered putting all your icky thoughts in a little box and keeping them there?"

"Well, after we talked last summer, you never called me. I figured you lost interest."

'It's a matter of interpretation...to a politician 'contract' like 'manifesto' simply means an 'empty promise'.'

"Can I be in the control group?"

"You're only winning because it's a wheelbarrow race."

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"I've had sex with Donald Trump."

New And Improved Trump!

"What...? I can quite any time I want!"

Snake charmer tries to improve the sales report.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"They discovered I liked a JK Rowling tweet when I was fifteen, you?"

"Don't think of them as terrorist states. Think of them as terrorist markets."

Pandora papers are out

'Affordable health care is nice, but affordable politicians would be nicer.'