Staple Connoisseur Pillows

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Theatre Crowd

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

Next Round Indicator

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Moliere

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Man tries to remove a cocktail umbrella.

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

"What?!! I'm reducing friction on the ice."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

Spring Water

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

"I'm married but I'm separated."

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

My Philosophy take #74

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov