Staff Retention Analyst T-Shirts

'It's hard to get good people, and even harder to keep them.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

Above Reproach.

'I need to hire more people. I can't keep making all of these mistakes.'

'It's a terrific family business: We have about 53 staff-members...'

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"It's the boss's son, what can I do about it?"

'Not in here, stupid - I don't need to!'

Mitch learned beneath his conscious thoughts, he felt small,inadequate,desperately in need of strength,competence, power.

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

We're overstaffed right now, but we'll keep your resume on file.

"Remind me, Simpkins. Did I fire you or not?"