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Corporate Accounting Dept. 5 2 7 8. Investors will be interested in this. We're going to release the numbers today.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Overworked in the office

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"What comes after zillion?"

End of Year Figs.

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Company profit making scheme - Jenkins, you owe us £327.95.

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"We're hoping for an upturn in the 5th quarter."

'This is a very bad report, Jenkins. Go to your cubicle.'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."