Spreadsheet Strategist Pillows

'Wish you would've warned me about this. I hate getting ambushed.'

'I would like to return this chart. It didn't perform up to our expectations.'

Kate had originally been very enthusiastic to prepare the annual global audit plan.

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

"Happily we ended the financial year out of the red - we made a net profit of 65p."

Profit Down.

"Thank heaven's my marker pen ran out."

Project Manager Showdown

'I think we should budget on the number of budgets we draw up'

'Looks like our cash flow is more of a cash trickle.'

I see from your self-assessment return you've decided to match wits with us.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"I hate performance review season."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"I love your optimism."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"What comes after zillion?"

End of Year Figs.

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."