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"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

The Harper Plays Cricket.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

Football.

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Fox hunting.

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

'Fantastic!Stupendous!Masterly!Mind blowing!Polished!Unbeatable!Amazing!Incredible! Out of this world!...a performance that's left me speechless.'

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

'It's not his knee. It appears his feelings are hurt and the team psychologist is rushing out onto the field.'